OPEN LETTER OF APOLOGY TO PA'A NOAH
by Egbe Monjimbo on 04/23/20
I guess what you are about to read below is an example of what can happen when a MA'A deviates from her "prescribed" Morning Scripture Reading and goes a-lurking, a-pondering and a-searching!
Morning oh, Dearest PA’A NOAH!
HOW FAR?
I just thought I should pen you these few werds of mine, mainly to apologize for not giving you as much “KONDÔ” as I now realize you really deserve!
Prior to this CORO-DRIVEN “SHELTER AT HOME”/QUARANTINE SEASON, if anyone had asked me to list 10, (or even 20 seff), of my favorite BIBLE HEROS, I am embarrassed to say you are not at all likely to have made the cut oh!
Ah for start from Abraham, jump go for Moses, Samuel, King David and his “boy” Solo, sotey go reach for Daniel and Samson dem! In facK, I might even have thought of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, – even Biggest Papa Methuselah, before I ever ‘membah-ed you!!!!
It is only NOW like dis; aftah observing how DIFFICULT it is to “ISOLATE”; to “CONFINE”; to “QUARANTINE” oneself for days on end, that I have come to realize that you who stayed in that ARK and came out of it still SANE, as in, “OF SOUND MIND AND BODY”, are one of the DONNEST DUDES to have ever existed, ah shuweh!
You see, before, what I marveled at was the fact that GOD HIMSELF declared you to be “JUST”, “RIGHTEOUS” and “PERFECT”, though living among people who were so evil, corrupt and plain “WIKET”, that He made the decision to just wipe them out, as in, OBLITERATE, kpata-kpata!!!
Something else I also readily credited you with, is your exemplary OBEDIENCE to GOD in going on to build that 3 DECK MBOLO “ship” in preparation for a FLOOD, at a time when “RAIN” was a totally unknown, foreign, never-before-seen phenomenon!!!
Right now, Dear BA’A, my reasons for cutting you CAFÉ are a little different and more specific, having observed and experienced the prevailing constraints brought on by this PANDEMIC NDON!
THEREFORE, COGNIZANT OF THE FOLLOWING FACTS, I AM WILLING TO DRAFT A PETITION TO BE FORWARDED TO THE POPE, REQUESTING YOUR INSTANT CANONIZATION, IF IT TURNS OUT THAT YOU DON’T ALREADY RANK AMONG THE SAINTS! AND IF YOU ALREADY DO, THEN I WILL CLAMOR FOR YOUR IMMEDIATE PROMOTION TO "FON OF SAINTS" or something! MBALLE!:
- DURATION OF STAY ON DE ARK: Somehow, it is “40 DAYS AND FORTY NIGHTS” that first came to my mind with regards to the duration of your stay in that ARK, before I recalled that, that is just the duration of the non-stop, DEBUNSCHA-like rain that came down! You were actually in that ARK for over 1 YEAR – 370 days being the commonly accepted figure!!! Çaaaaaaaaa! Papa: We have been in this LOCK DOWN thing for just about a month now, and it is killing us oh!!!!
We even get to go out to the market, pharmacy or some other “ESSENTIAL” place but that is a “LUXURY” you DID NOT and COULD NOT enjoy, not only because you would have DROWNED instantly had you tried to set foot outside, but because, as GENESIS 7:16 says, na GOD YI SEP-SEP, be actually take yi Hand, LOCK DOOR for da Ark!!! (Wedah you fit beg yi, make yi cam lock some of we door dem now so, as people dey itch to “return to normal” wey de werld is nowhere near normal yet oh??!!)
- THOSE BEEPS!!!: OK! Staying home with BINGO de DOG, KIKI de POLY-POLY and even NAMONDO deh SHWINE, is one thing!!!! Being inside an ARK with all those 2 by 2, Man and Woman pikin BEEFS (OF NO NATION), from (BONA) MUKENGEs and MANAWAs to FROTAMBOs, NGILAs and MBOMAs – and all other sorts of NYAMAs, is a whole different pan of DODO & BINGCE!!! (And now, just listing those creatures has brought to mind one of my favorite Primary School Songs! Weh!
H-I-P for deh HIP! (For deh HI-PO-PO!!!)
P-O, P-O, for deh HI-PO-PO;
T-A-M-U-S, for deh HI-PO-PO-TAMUS!!!!
Enough digression!
As I was saying before I rudely interrupted my own self, ah no sabi how you manage cope wit de situation oh!
Onley de STENCH!!! (Or GOD be provide some supernatural ANIMAL DEODORANT oh??? !!! After all, it is clear He got them BEEPS to abide by some sort of TRUCE or PEACE TREATY If no be so, Mr. and Mrs. PUSSY for surely damé Monsieur et Madame ARRATA within the first 2 seconds of boarding that ARK, yah!!!
And then na which kine GIANT BASIN be contain all de MOROCCO FISH, KUTA and NJANGA dem eh? Or God be juh temporarily equip dem all wit BREATHING-OUTSIDE-WATA capabilities??
I do recall that the ARK had 3 decks to it, so the BEEPS probably had their own “LIVING QUARTERS” but then, the BIBLE clearly states at least twice – in Genesis 6: 19 and 20 that GOD said he would bring the animals to YOU, for YOU to “KEEP THEM ALIVE”!!!! Maaaaaassa! That means you couldn’t just find a corner and “KACK with Mrs. “N” oh! You had to see that they had all been fed, even if you might have delegated some tasks to the 7 other HUMANS with you on that ARK! (Thank God, it wasn't me this task was assigned to! The WORLD would have been missing some species thereafter, or there would have had to be a supplementary, "remedial" CREATION after what is recorded in GENESIS 1 to "rectify" the calamity! Choi!
Time to ask how you managed to RATION the food, to make it last for OVER A YEAR???!!!
NINI!! We dey na onley we 3 inside dis house, and bettah is NOT!!! We stocked up for a month, yet, inside only da 1 month, we don re-stock and re-re-stock oh! COOKING and EATING have actually become TO DO “PROJECTS”!!!
And we even get kine by kine “electronics” – plus ONLINE SCHOOL and WORK-FROM-HOME lap and desktops, not to talk of Facebook, WhatsApp, Twitter and Instagram AND TELEVISION/NETFLIX, etc. to make things less BORING for us!!!!
3. CASE JUDGING: